Vic Mensa advances in Album Bracketology, a music tournament perhaps nine people follow.

oh no part one | why part two | oh great part three | seriously four? | five is enough

WE’VE PUBLISHED two installments of 2017 Album Bracketology thus far without addressing our overflowing bag of fan mail. [Ed. note: Here’s a link to the extensive brackets.] Without further ado:

Dear Bracket Busturd,
You stated in the last installment that “Out of the top 25 critic choices for 2017, only four remain in Album Bracketology: Kendrick Lamar, Lorde, The War on Drugs, and the National.” But I still see Thundercat in there as well. Can’t you count to five? You’ve lost all credibility.
A former fan,
Rusty Kupstaack, Cheyenne, WY

First of all, thank you for believing that I, at one time, had credibility. That means a lot! Secondly, we here at Propeller have no problem admitting our mistakes, and Thundercat, the No. 20 album of the year according to a compilation of year-end critic picks, is still alive and well. Maybe I was thinking ahead too much because at the end of this article, we really will be down to four of those critical darlings. This is Album Bracketology’s version of a “Who shot J.R.?” sort of cliffhanger. [Ed note: The reference here to the television show “Dallas” suggests Album Bracketology is finished for now and it will be eight months before we have to read more. Unfortunately, this is probably not what the author means—it appears to continue below.]

Dear Teeny Tiny Teeny Bracket Bopper,
Grace VanderWaal No. 64? What are you, 14?
Edmund Robinson, Bowling Green, KY

Dear Old Fart,
Grace VanderWaal only No. 64? Get with the times, geezer.
Bailey Grant, Suffern, NY

We here at Propeller celebrate musicians of all ages, from Vanderwaal, 14, to Sharon Jones, who died at age 60. [Ed. note: That sentence actually suggests the author only celebrates musicians from fourteen to sixty. Also, at this point, readers are certainly painfully aware that there is no “we here at Propeller.”] VanderWaal, the winner of America’s Got Talent in 2016 when she was 12, has my support, helped partially because she played on heavy rotation in a house with two girls around her same age. [Ed. note: “Helped partially because” is not a phrase currently in use in written English. To begin working on the sentence, however, seems a bit like wading into quicksand. For everyone’s safety, we’ll let it stand.]

“we’re not going to read bracketology for a pull quote. the pull quotes will stay empty. blah blah blah. see?”

Dear March Madman,
Why do you put us through this? If the tournament is pre-determined, why don’t you just tell us the winner now and save us some pain?
Editorial staff at Propeller [Ed. note: No. The author writes the letters himself. Obviously.]

Actually, at the time of writing this installment, I do not know who is going to win. By the end of this article, we’ll be down to the Sweet Sixteen but real-time, I’m not that much further. At this point, I know who is in the Top 11, but I have no order yet. [Ed. note: That sentence seems most likely to be the one the author will be repeatedly muttering or shouting after going completely insane, yes?] The listen-offs and potential editorial caucuses are real. And now, back to the action…

Heather Kropfdate: When we last left underdog Heather Kropf, she was gearing up for a match-up with heavy favorite Lorde. “I listened to Lorde’s new album, and then I had to listen to mine in its entirety just to get a feel for the comparison,” Heather writes. “Hers is an Oreo cookie after Oreo cookie after Oreo cookie with a lot of little tasty tricks and no nutritional value. And mine is like a summer picnic, maybe an almond croissant or some pears and figs in honey. You know?”

I do know what she’s talking about, but I like Oreos. And Lorde’s album isn’t just any ordinary Oreo. When I was in college, my roommate Pete the Canadian told me that Canadian Oreos were much better than stateside Oreos. I didn’t believe him, partly because he also told me that the candy bar Big Turk, a Canadian delicacy, tasted like candy gold. It didn’t. It tasted like chocolate-covered Turkish delight, and I don’t love Turkish delight. Then one day, someone smuggled some Canadian Oreo contraband across the border and I tried one of the much-hyped chocolate sandwich cookies. They are far superior: lighter, crispier, fluffier. So, if Lorde’s album must be compared to an Oreo cookie, then it is a Canadian Oreo. As much as it pains me to watch my friend Heather lose, I can’t play favorites. I listened to that Lorde album over and over in 2017. Lorde moves on, while Heather moves to the losers bracket to take on Vic Mensa.

[seriously we need to replace this photo] [it is a canadian oreo] [no it isn't] [it could be] [guys please]

Breaking news: Sideline reporter Alvin B is reporting that losers bracket round 7 is complete, and our field is down to the top 24.

32. Son Little, New Magic
31. Gogol Bordello, Seekers and Finders
30. Wolf Parade, Cry, Cry, Cry
29. Mynabirds, BE HERE NOW

Son Little made huge strides with his second album, after not charting two years ago. Meanwhile, Gogol Bordello finished in the top 32 for the third time, and Wolf Parade’s first album since 2010 finishes No. 30. The video honor, however, goes to Mynabirds, who chart for the fourth time in the 9-year history of Album Bracketology. [Ed. note: In the past, the author has included songs and/or videos the staff found distressing, so embedded videos are no longer pre-screened. Readers listen to and/or watch the videos entirely at their own risk.]

28. Charly Bliss, Guppy
27. Aimee Mann, Mental Illness
26. Talib Kweli, Radio Silence
25. White Reaper, The World’s Best American Band

Even though Aimee Mann and Talib Kweli are veterans, they make their debut in Album Bracketology. They have never entered a solo album into Album Bracketology. (Mann did with her side project The Both with Ted Leo.) White Reaper would have made the countdown two years ago had I known about them. They were one of my old discoveries of the year. [Ed. note: Not taking the bait. That sentence is perfect. Love it.]

Heather Kropfdate: We now must say goodbye to Heather Kropf, who fared far better in this competition than she did in the 3,200-meter race in Indiana high school sectionals in 1988. But hey, she finishes 22nd in a 256-album tournament, which ranks her in the top 10 percent. For her part, Heather is taking her loss with grace, which coincidentally is the name of a song from her album Chrysalis, which finished No. 40 in 2014. This year she advanced much higher, before losing to Vic Mensa. Her thoughts: “When I first listened to Vic Mensa, I said to myself, ‘Now that is an album I would happily lose to.’ Give the gold stars to him. That album is absolutely incredible.”

24. Alvvays, Antisocialites
23. Rips, Rips
22. Heather Kropf, Lights
21. Waxahatchee, Out in the Storm

Thus we conclude losers bracket round 8. Alvvays improves on its No. 37 finish in 2014, when it finished ahead of Heather. After just edging punk rockers Rips, Heather finishes just behind Waxahatchee, who finished No. 22 in 2013. Waxahatchee, a.k.a. Katie Crutchfield, is the twin sister of Allison Crutchfield, who lost to Heather Kropf in round one but rallied to finish at No. 54. Small world.

20. War on Drugs, A Deeper Understanding
19. Michael Head and the Red Elastic Band, Adios Señor Pussycat

Alvin B’s instant analysis: The War on Drugs is an Album Bracketology mainstay and ends up No. 20 in its lowest finish ever. The Philadelphia band is the latest top 25 critical fave to bow out. The band will, however, qualify three albums into the album of the decade tournament in three years. [Ed. note: No, there will be no— Wait. The research and listening necessary for an album of the decade tournament seems like it would keep the author extremely busy, for quite some time. Maybe. Yes, maybe.] Michael Head and the Red Elastic Band was a huge surprise this year and worthy of a video tribute.

More of Alvin B’s instant analysis: A year ago, the xx was one of the frontrunners for album of the year. The problem with a January release date for an album is that there are 11 months left in the year for bands to release albums. Still, the xx finish a respectable 18th. More impressive, however, was Autonomics’ Debt Sounds, which receives the Portland Trophy for Sound Design (PTSD around the Propeller offices) as the best album from a Portland band.

18. The xx, I See You
17. Autonomics, Debt Sounds

For the next installment, Heather Kropf will offer commentary in the studio to help supplement Alvin B’s instant analysis. We will also move down to the final four for the year, and, for the first time, we will reveal the record label of the year. Follow along with Alvin Bracketology, and remember to fill our mailbag.

105. Kweku Collins, Grey
104. Polyrhythmics, Caldera
103. SZA, CTRL
102. Sera Cahoone, From Where I Started
101. Cody ChesnuTT, My Love Divine Degree
100. The Juju, The Exchange
99. Japandroids, Near to the Wild Heart of Life
98. War and Treaty, Down to the River
97. The Kickback, Weddings & Funerals
96. Giants in the Trees, Giants in the Trees
95. Feral Conservatives, Better Lives
94. Minus the Bear, VOIDS
93. The Lone Bellow, Walk Into a Storm
92. Algiers, The Underside of Power
91. Kevin Morby, City Music
90. Briana Marela, Call It Love
89. Moses Sumney, Aromanticism
88. Portugal. The Man, Woodstock
87. Gorillaz, Humanz
86. Guantanamo Baywatch, Desert Center
85. Lady Lamb, Tender Warriors Club
84. Theo Katzman, Heartbreak Hits
83. Palehound, A Place I’ll Always Go
82. This is the Kit, Moonshine Freeze
81. Kelley Stoltz, Que Aura
80. Tall Tall Trees, Freedays
79. Overcoats, Young
78. Sampha, Process
77. Spoon, Hot Thoughts
76. Passion Pit, Tremendous Sea of Love
75. Songhoy Blues, Resistance
74. The Sadies, Northern Passages
73. Julien Baker, Turn Out the Lights
72. Bash & Pop, Anything Could Happen
71. The Weather Station, The Weather Station
70. Rapsody, Laila’s Wisdom
69. Aldous Harding, Party
68. Laura Marling, Semper Femina
67. Alex Lahey, I Love You Like a Brother
66. Loyle Carner, Yesterday’s Gone
65. Rainer Maria, S/T
64. Grace VanderWaal, Just the Beginning
63. Los Colognes, The Wave
62. Bomba Estereo, Ayo
61. Diet Cig, Swear I’m Good at This
60. Wolf Alice, Visions of a Life
59. Phoebe Bridgers, Stranger in the Alps
58. Valley Queen, Destroyer
57. Blitzen Trapper, Wild and Reckless
56. Old 97’s, Graveyard Whistling
55. Priests, Nothing Feels Natural
54. Allison Crutchfield, Tourist in This Town
53. Benjamin Booker, Witness
52. Nicole Atkins, Goodnight Rhonda Lee
51. Hiss Golden Messenger, Hallelujah Anyhow
50. The Regrettes, Feel Your Feelings, Fool!
49. Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings, Soul of a Woman
48. Tyler Childers, Purgatory
47. The Parson Red Heads, Blurred Harmony
46. A Giant Dog, Toy
45. Khalid, American Teen
44. Protomartyr, Relatives in Descent
43. Curtis Harding, Face Your Fear
42. Japanese Breakfast, Soft Sounds from Another Planet
41. Girlpool, Powerplant
40. Broken Social Scene, Hug of Thunder
39. LCD Soundsystem, american dream
38. St. Vincent, MASSEDUCTION
37. Open Mike Eagle, Brick Body Kids Still Daydream
36. Muna, About U
35. Phoenix, Ti Amo
34. Ted Leo, The Hanged Man
33. Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit, The Nashville Sound
32. Son Little, New Magic
31. Gogol Bordello, Seekers and Finders
30. Wolf Parade, Cry, Cry, Cry
29. Mynabirds, BE HERE NOW
28. Charly Bliss, Guppy
27. Aimee Mann, Mental Illness
26. Talib Kweli, Radio Silence
25. White Reaper, The World’s Best American Band
24. Alvvays, Antisocialites
23. Rips, Rips
22. Heather Kropf, Lights
21. Waxahatchee, Out in the Storm
20. War on Drugs, A Deeper Understanding
19. Michael Head and the Red Elastic Band, Adios Senor Pussycat
18. The xx, I See You
17. Autonomics, Debt Sounds

Matthew Kauffman Smith is a dancer and freelance amateur magician. He has been holding conceptual tournaments in his room to determine the best album of the year for many, many years. Nevertheless, his argument that Weird Al Yankovic should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is sound and persuasive.