NFL WEEK 13
Your TV Guide to Thanksgiving Weekend NFL Episodes
When the snap isn’t for you: Joe Flacco in “Wildcat, Part Two.”By Pete Tothero
Last week: 8-5
Season: 114-61
Of ESPN’s 13 “NFL Experts,” number who have a better record than me: 1
When I think I will catch that 1: The Great Jaworski? Impossible.
THANKSGIVING
Green Bay Packers (5-5-1) at Detroit Lions (6-5), 9:30 Pacific, FOX
Oakland Raiders (4-7) at Dallas Cowboys (6-5), 1:30, CBS
When Raiders fans arrive in costume not realizing Thanksgiving is not Halloween, Cowboys receivers try to make them feel welcome by dropping easy passes. Dez and Tony wonder if they will ever be happy together. Tears. (Comedy) Pick: Dallas
Pittsburgh Steelers (5-6) at Baltimore Ravens (5-6), 5:30ish, NBC
Last week: Joe Flacco kept hands in muff, didn’t try when Ravens ran “wildcat” plays. This week: Joe wonders why Ravens seemed fine with him staying out of way, not trying. Special guest: Incomprehensible Hines Ward. (Cartoon) Pick: Pittsburgh
SUNDAY
Jacksonville Jaguars (2-9) at Cleveland Browns (4-7), C-SPAN
The Jacksonville team plays football against the Cleveland team. As with NBC show “Revolution,” unclear who would watch this. (Warning: game may be pre-empted by House vote on grain subsidies.) Pick: Cleveland
Tennessee Titans (5-6) at Indianapolis Colts (7-4), Spike TV
After owner Jim Irsay lectures Colts via twitter, will coaches or players reveal to him owners are socially-awkward privileged white dudes tone-deaf to own stupidity who have no idea what they are talking about? Men curse, discuss manliness. (Talk show) Pick: Indianapolis
Chicago Bears (6-5) at Minnesota Vikings (2-8-1), Hallmark Channel
Special episode: When Vikings accommodate Bears by being good hosts and bad team, Bears wonder if “Minnesota nice” is cover for sadness, despair. Innocent questions about how Vikings spent holiday reveal love, support sometimes more important than rivalry. (Drama) Pick: Chicago
Miami Dolphins (5-6) at New York Jets (5-6), HBO (Or NFL Network? Not sure.)
Incognito wants back on Dolphins; Martin still gone. Sanchez says he wants to be starter after shoulder heals. Everyone wonders where, how, why? Also: Geno tries to learn more plays. (Reality) Pick: New York
Arizona Cardinals (7-4) at Philadelphia Eagles (6-5), SyFy
Cardinals wonder if/when invisibility potion will wear off so league, networks see them. Eagles communicate through strange language of pop culture symbols, continue to play in alternate-universe division where 6-5 is first place. (Science fiction) Pick: Arizona
Greg Schiano attempts to answer the question: But which Carolina?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-8) at Carolina Panthers (8-3), PBS Kids
As Schiano continues yelling grade school lessons to grown men, Bucs players wonder what it will take for them to get substitute teacher. Sabotage? Also: Bucs realize they are playing in Carolina—but which Carolina? Cam Newton offers geography lesson, Ron Rivera pulls craaazy prank! (Kids) Pick: Carolina
At Mission Control in Houston, engineers decide to press their luck, call for no whammies.
New England Patriots (8-3) at Houston Texans (2-9), Game Show Network
“When Brady and Gronk Bro Up, Will the Houston Texans Show Up?” In this exciting contest, Matt Schaub and Case Keenum are yanked in and out of the Texans’ starting quarterback job. Twist: Because loser of job probably goes to different team next year, he will secretly be winner. Judge: Andre Johnson. (Game show) Pick: Patriots
Atlanta Falcons (2-9) at Buffalo Bills (4-7), The Legal Network
On way to Buffalo, wheels come off Falcon’s season. They consider turning around, until they learn Buffalo cares about game. A story of responsibility, fulfilling contractual obligations. (Educational) Pick: Buffalo
St. Louis Rams (5-6) at San Francisco 49ers (7-4), Supernatural Channel
When Rams arrive in San Francisco, no one acknowledges their presence. Mystery deepens when coach Jeff Fisher shaves off signature mustache but NFL doesn’t notice, then claims he never had one. Have Rams crossed to Other Side? (Mystery) Pick: San Francisco
Denver Broncos (9-2) at Kansas City Chiefs (9-2), Discovery Channel
“Mythbusters” special episode. Does Peyton Manning always fade in cold? Must Andy Reid’s teams implode? Can stadium decibel-level readings be trusted? Can a player pass a drug test by substituting a stranger’s urine? The mythbusters organize a game between Broncos, Chiefs to find answers. (Educational) Pick: Denver
Philip Rivers stars in “We are Not Eliminated.”
Cincinnati Bengals (7-4) at San Diego Chargers (5-6), TVLand
The Bengals think this might be the year; the Chargers enter December not quite eliminated from the playoff race. (Sports) (Previously aired in multiple years) Pick: San Diego
New York Giants (4-7) at Washington General (3-8), ABC Daytime
As Washington’s name makes holiday fraught, tense, Shanahan weathers charges of nepotism while fans question whether he is competent to run the hospital. Robert Griffin quietly prepares malpractice charge while Tom Coughlin baffles staff with seemingly incurable windburn. In therapy, Eli wonders if picks are way of acting out, or just picks. (Hospital melodrama) Pick: New York Giants.
MONDAY
New Orleans Saints (9-2) at Seattle Seahawks (10-1), MTV
When Dr. Drew Pinsky attempts to organize an intervention to confront Seattle secondary about drug use, Russell Wilson scrambles, escapes. Wilson and Drew Brees go shoe shopping—each tries to prevent other from noticing purchase of inserts. (Reality) Pick: Seattle
