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The Bookmill: Sandwiches, Implications
The Montague Bookmill
440 Greenfield Road
Montague, Massachusetts 01351
montaguebookmill.com
Note: This article originally ran in the fall 2010 issue of Propeller. Because it explores the intersection of books and food (and celebrity), revisiting it as part of our "Consumption" issue felt appropriate.
By Bryan Beck
1) The motto of The Bookmill is: “Books you don’t need in a place you can’t find.”
2) The Bookmill is located in Montague, Franklin County, Massachusetts. The town of Montague comprises the villages of Montague Center, Turners Falls, Millers Falls, and Lake Pleasant. At the time of the 2000 Census, the population of Montague was 8,489.
3) The adjoining Lady Killegrew Café serves an assortment of sandwiches (both breakfast and grilled), house salads topped with their house-made maple balsamic vinaigrette, as well as the generally expected café faire and an assortment of beverages both alcoholic and non.
4) The books The Bookmill sells are used.
5) It can be assumed that John Hodgman (American author, humorist, television personality, and former personal computer spokesperson, b. 1971, Brookline, MA) wrote the entireties of his best-selling books The Areas of My Expertise and More Information Than You Require, as well as nearly all his finest pieces for Public Radio International’s “This American Life” and Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart”—not to mention the substantial body of work contributed to such fine outlets as McSweeney’s and The New York Times Magazine—at his usual creekside table, adjacent the Lady Killegrew’s self-serve tap water dispenser.
6) Although technically accepted, you will receive “dirty looks” if attempting to purchase books with a debit card at The Bookmill.
7) A majority of The Bookmill’s patrons—and an even higher percentage of those frequenting the adjoining Lady Killegrew Café—are familiar with the work of American author/humorist/television personality/former personal computer spokesperson John Hodgman to an extent beyond his work in the popular “Get a Mac” advertising campaign for the American multinational corporation Apple Inc. (NASDAQ: AAPL), and will often feel a general sense of intellectual superiority and “culturedness” in comparison to those familiar with the work of said author/humorist/television personality/former personal computer spokesperson (i.e. John Hodgman) solely through the “Get a Mac” advertising campaign.
8) Figure I: Photograph of sandwich available at adjoining Lady Killegrew Café.
Figure I: Sandwich.
9) According to a sign near the village entrance, Montague is “Thickly Settled.”
10) In a study of personal laptop computer usage conducted by the author at various business hours between 12 July and 25 August 2010, personal laptop computers manufactured by the American multinational corporation Apple Inc. (NASDAQ: AAPL) outnumbered personal laptop computers manufactured by all other companies combined by a ratio of 12:1 at The Bookmill’s adjoining Lady Killegrew Café, confirming not only the superiority of the Apple product, but also the obvious success of the popular “Get a Mac” advertising campaign, due—not in small part—to the portrayal of the humorously hapless “PC” character by John Hodgman.
11) The Bookmill is located at the site of a formerly operative gristmill (est. 1842) that supplied much of the area surrounding the small Sawmill River. What “grist” is remains unknown.
Figure II: Angle of look of implication.
12) Often while browsing a book recently purchased at The Bookmill over a cup of coffee or (on special occasions) a sandwich purchased at the adjoining Lady Killegrew Café, I will look up from my strategically-chosen table toward the self-serve tap water dispenser-adjacent table of John Hodgman (Figure II) at a time when said opposing table-sitter finds need to take recess from his work of bringing joy to the hearts of all well-educated middle-class liberal Americans between the ages of 18 and 34 and, looking up, meets my eyes with a look implying, “I know it would be particularly wonderful for you if you could ask me a simple question about this bookstore/café to use in your brief bookstore profile for an online magazine I am unlikely to read, but I have much important work to do if I am to maintain my status as a premier American author/humorist/ television personality/former personal computer spokesperson (b. 1971) and continue to bring joy to the hearts of all well-educated middle-class liberal Americans between the ages of 18 and 34.”
13) The Bookmill has, on at least one occasion, been known to carry Journeyman’s Wages by Clemens Starck.
14) Hypothetically, if you were to write your name and phone number on a small piece of paper with obvious references to American author/humorist/television personality/former personal computer spokesperson John Hodgman—say, plans for a performance art piece including 700 hoboes of names mentioned in The Areas of My Expertise (Dutton Adult, 2005), as well as an additional 100 hoboes to correspond with the subsequent paperback edition or, say, a reference to a regionally- and demographically-popular podcast recorded at a video store only blocks from your house—and were to then strategically drop said paper while preparing to quench your thirst by filling up at the self-serve tap water dispenser at The Bookmill’s adjoining Lady Killegrew Café in a way that would go unnoticed only by an individual very recently removed from a culture (possibly Amazonian) that left him or her completely oblivious to modern Indo-European social decorum, how long would you wait for John Hodgman to call before trying something more direct?
15) During the summer months, the drive to The Bookmill affords one many opportunities to purchase fresh-cut flowers.
Bryan Beck was Propeller’s Pioneer Valley Correspondent. He has not been heard from in some time, and his current whereabouts are unknown.